Coaching: Resilience, or How to Bounce Back After Failure or Difficulty

An accident, the loss of a loved one, a layoff, illness—in short, despite life’s worst difficulties, why do some people always manage to find their way back to happiness so quickly? Why do some people always keep smiling no matter the circumstances, even the most negative ones, while others in the same situation sink into fear, worry, sadness, and sometimes even depression? Where does this ability to bounce back come from? Is this ability acquired or innate? What is resilience and how do we tame it?

By Jean-François Tatard – Photos: Jean-François Tatard / DR

According to the dictionary, there are two definitions. The first falls within the domain of physical science and characterizes the impact resistance of a metal. The second, however, is psychological and refers to the ability to overcome traumatic shocks and, therefore, our capacity to face painful episodes in our existence.

What is a resilient person?

A person who demonstrates resilience is not one who denies or avoids the problem, grief, or shock, contrary to what we might believe. No! They face it! A person who demonstrates resilience has the ability to accept, forgive, and, more quickly than others, regain serenity and joy of living. Better yet, they often emerge stronger and use the situation as a learning experience that helps them grow. They accumulate experience and possess this fabulous ability to remain optimistic and confident.

Keep smiling and stay optimistic to better face difficulties.

How it works

First, it is important to become aware of the situation. It’s not about deflecting the problem. If you sweep dust under the rug, someone will eventually lift it. You cannot move on if you haven’t faced it. You must confront this “event.” Remember the grief curve and the different stages it comprises…

The succession of emotions is always the same in the resilience process. Regardless of the individual, we all progress through the same order. The only thing that differentiates us is the time between each of these stages. It is a dynamic process that spans a more or less long period and allows the person concerned to get through these trials and even emerge stronger.

=> SEE ALSO: Learn to develop a champion’s mindset

Innate or acquired?

Even if there is no proof of the genetic or hereditary aspect of resilience, it still seems that we do not all have the same capacity to produce happiness hormones. Furthermore, we also know that certain factors originate in childhood. This means that the first years of life are crucial… If parents create an atmosphere of joy, a context of play, an approach of trust, cultivating optimism and the belief that anything is possible, we observe that subsequently, children are very often fundamentally happier with everything life offers them. And if, during learning at school or later in studies or in the first years of work, the current environment (parents, teachers, educators, coaches, tutors, managers, bosses, etc.) continues this encouraging approach and demonstrates progress through subjectivity, it is highly probable that the individual will have a significantly higher ability to recover than average.

Parents, immediate intimate relationships, but also first friendships, teachers, educators, and all those who would exert any influence on us, from our first days on earth and throughout our lives, play a crucial role in each person’s ability to develop their own resilience. All these people will greatly influence self-esteem and the ability to always see the glass as half full. But, of course, we must not generalize; there are those who have none of this and yet have managed to build a wonderful life and always do good around them. Or the inverse, there are also people who outwardly seem to have been spoiled by life: a good entourage, love, joy, recognition, esteem, and all the factors that would visibly arm them to face life’s difficulties, and yet, one day, they sink into depression, while another will develop self-defense mechanisms and a strength of character allowing them to get out of all situations. To be verified, but without being spiritual: in all cases, there was someone or something to guide us…

=> SEE ALSO: The grief curve and managing failure

Can it be worked on?

Personal experience and how one has lived play a major role in the ability to develop resilience. But nothing is ever over. It’s never too late to live the life you love. All of this can be learned at any age. It is always possible to rebuild what makes us confident in ourselves. What also makes us confident in life. And finally, in the people we meet. It’s just that some are better trained than others. But in that case, why not be inspired by them? Why not try to decipher how they operate? Besides, it’s often quite easy because most of the time, there is a lot of generosity and altruism in these people.

Some tips

First, the main thing is not to systematically see yourself as a victim! And then, here are some ingredients:

Have clear goals. Know what you are aiming for. What truly motivates you deep in your heart. What is the meaning of your life?
Travel light. Stop cluttering yourself and believing that having material possessions will make you better equipped.
Be grateful. Know how to say thank you and well done. To yourself and to others.
Do good around you. Give to people. Without necessarily expecting anything in return. Feed on their satisfaction as if it were your own.
Develop optimism by systematically formulating positive phrases. Even better, out loud. And as soon as you get out of bed.
Regularly give yourself proof of success. No matter how small, succeed in little things and build confidence.
Accept change with enthusiasm as if it were an adventure or like an explorer: a new discovery.
Don’t be too brave with chronic pessimists. Surround yourself with positive people who teach you things and encourage you.
Accept fate and that everything has an end. But nevertheless, every finish line is also a new starting line.
Let your inventiveness express itself. Don’t always copy and let authenticity surface.
On Sunday evening, summarize the week in a notebook or diary with an optimistic quote borrowed from here or there.
And finally, laugh. Laugh! Laugh a lot!

To conclude

None of us will ever have the ability to change things, people, and the world, but the good news is that, at any moment, we all have the possibility to change our own perception of things, people, and the world.

=> SEE ALSO: All our Coaching articles