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“I never fail, I either win or I learn“, “you have to fail to win later“, “statistically I failed 1000 times before winning once“, “success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm“. I could write pages of these… The motivational quotes that accompany failure are countless. They seem obvious. Yet when you miss your goal or experience THE underperformance, at first glance, it’s hard not to feel guilt and frustration. So, how do you go beyond these conscious reactions? How do you overcome failure? How do you move past it? How do you turn it into leverage?
By Jean-François Tatard – Photos: Frédéric Poirier, pexels.com, pixabay.com
We owe this phrase to Henry Ford: “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently“. While this quote is also very well known, few grasp its profound meaning. To illustrate it, I remember a non-sporting anecdote for once, which changed my life. One day, leaving a job interview, I realized, once on the bus, the part that made me miss my interview. That’s also when I understood that it was always possible to start over. Guess what? I took the next stop. I crossed the road. I changed sidewalks and took the bus in the other direction to go back and knock on the recruiter’s door…
Learning from your failures
Indeed, human beings have the ability to learn from their failures and thus correct their path towards achieving their goals. And sometimes much more immediately than they think. Making people aware of this is the goal of all life coaching. An excellent example is that of the torpedo which, after being launched, corrects its trajectory according to the movements of its target. However, unlike the torpedo which has the ability to rectify immediately after receiving the necessary data, human beings are above all emotional beings. Hence the need to go through different phases to manage failure.
The grief curve
While we will all ultimately agree that failure is part of learning, in the heat of the moment, it is still quite often devastating… You don’t get the opportunity every day to win THE race that motivates you the most, and retreating to the option of abandoning is to experience a real grief! It’s terrible, there’s a feeling of loss. While emotions get tangled, they ultimately always evolve in the same order. What will differentiate us from each other is only the time that separates each of these 9 stages.
The shock
If the first kilometers of the race unfolded as precisely as Nicolas Portal’s strategic forecast in the pre-race briefing, but then a moment of true shock arrives, it may be that you are experiencing the first stage of the grief curve. That knee and that nasty, still-sensitive cyclist’s tendinitis tell you STOP! Beyond the unbearable pain, immediately, you can’t help but be destabilized…
Denial
“But why me?“, “it’s not possible!“, “this same knee that made me miss my goal last year too“, “I can’t believe it“…
Anger
“What did I do wrong?“, “why does Steven Le Hyaric string together kilometers by the hundreds all over the world, in all weather, over all elevations and at the most incongruous hours, and all without getting injured, while I can’t even ride anymore or even finish a single miserable 80 km race properly in the peloton?” Rage, disgust, resentment, accusation, shifting responsibility to others. In short, like a dark and stormy sky erasing a blue and radiant ceiling, it’s anger…
Fear
“Am I definitively finished with cycling?“, “what will become of me?“, “what will I do once I get home?“… It’s anguish. This injury seems insurmountable.
Sadness
This is ultimately the most decisive stage. As if you realized that you couldn’t fall any lower. This is the moment when you realize that what has been done, has been done, and that you can’t change anything anyway. You can even be named Mathieu Van der Poel or Peter Sagan, show exemplary experience and wisdom, you hide to cry… It’s time to get back on track! We glue the Veloflex back on the Corima! And we finally begin to exit the impasse…
Acceptance
This is the moment when you are no longer the object of grief. You finally take center stage.
Forgiveness
You renounce the illusion of omnipotence. You stop letting yourself be overwhelmed by this painful feeling of guilt. And you forgive yourself. And then comes forgiveness commensurate with the loss.
The quest for renewal
Like a revelation, you discover the hidden gift. “Thanks to this abandonment, I will be able to better consider healing in depth“, “I have identified new avenues that absolutely must be reused in my next plans“, “in the future I will know how to better manage this same situation“, “my example and the management of this grief can help me to better accompany certain future situations and serve as an example for others“. It is about recognizing that this situation has made you discover things that were not conceivable in the old situation.
Serenity
Without excessive emotion, you finally make peace with this moment. You live in the present and what happens in your daily life is more important than what happened to you in the past.
Illusion effect
Failure is just an illusion. Well represented, it’s even a springboard. After erasing the mental representation that activated the emotions related to failure, you need to bring choice back into it. Remember that story of the missed job interview. You always have the possibility of choice. You are free. You can start over better.
Conscious autosuggestion as a fatal weapon
Emotional freedom, true self-control, of one’s body and mind, comes through the notion of choice. Becoming aware of your unwanted emotional reactions is not enough. You need to take time to observe what mental representation these emotions are reacting to. Perfection, expectation, ideal, all focused on the result and not on the task… The mind is subjective and creates representations without asking your permission. By playing with it, you reorient this part of yourself that often pilots alone. But the pilot is your conscious mind, and you must remind your co-pilot, the unconscious.
In conclusion
Failure does not exist. Only the non-achievement of an objective is possible, but from the failure of an objective to the presentation of a fabulous new opportunity, there is only one step. Be aware of this and remind your unconscious of it too…
=> SEE ALSO: All our Coaching articles
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